Catfish Hunter

Open Impressionism Oil Cow on Canvas - 12×12×1.5

By Tamara Rager

A Grumpy Old Man's Art Critique

“OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Have you LOOKED at this cow?!

I've seen some things in my day. I've seen bad fishing, bad weather, bad neighbors, and a man put ketchup on a perfectly good steak. But this? THIS is something else entirely!

First off, look at that face! What's he so upset about? Somebody move his feed bucket? Tell him the pasture's been sold? Or did he just find out his owner bought generic feed?

And those eyes! He's looking at me like I owe him money. Well, let me tell you something, Bessie — or whatever your name is — I don't owe you a darn thing!

Now, I will say this. Those blues are something. All that swirling paint, those wild strokes, that blazing orange sky. The artist has managed to make a cow look like he's been listening to his wife complain for forty years. That's not easy to do. Believe me, I know.

And that ear tag. Number 09. Not sixty-nine. I can read a number, thank you very much! Though looking at that expression, I'd swear this cow has been carrying the weight of the world since 1909.

But here's the thing. You can't look away from him. He's got personality. He's got attitude. And he's got the kind of face that makes you want to argue with him just to see what happens.

You know what? I like him.

Not that I'd tell him that. He'd get a big head, and then we'd never hear the end of it.

Hang the painting over the fireplace. Let him stare down the guests. And if anybody asks what makes this cow special, tell 'em the truth.

He's got more character in that face than most people have in their entire miserable lives.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a steak to cook. And for the record, I'm not sharing it with Slick.”

— A thoroughly disgruntled critic, who would like everyone to stop talking and pass the potatoes.